


Why am i not good enough?

by panluke



Series: Relfections [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Hot Chocolate, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Unrequited Crush, i havent tagged in ages, most of the relationship are metioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:33:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26546818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panluke/pseuds/panluke
Summary: part 1 of a series in which Reggie reflects in the different ways he wasn't good enough.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson metioned, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson/Reggie, Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: Relfections [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1930447
Comments: 3
Kudos: 153





	Why am i not good enough?

**Author's Note:**

> hey thank you for choosing to read, i hope you enjoy, English isn't my first language so if there any grammar mistakes don't hesitate to let me know. im sorry if the spacing not enough it looked weird in double.

It seemed to Reggie that Luke had a crush on everybody in their friendship group but him. It wasn’t that hard not to notice the way Luke looked at Julie, everything she did seemed to brighten him up, and crush his heart at the same time. Whenever Reggie was looking at him, he was looking at Julie. Reggie wished so badly that he could stop looking at Luke, stop smiling at Luke every action, he just wished he could stop falling for Luke.

…

Maybe the inevitable heartbreak could be easier if he just thought Luke was straight. But he knew that wasn’t true. He knew forever that wasn’t true, he almost wishes he didn’t open the door that night.

 _Almost_ , Luke had knocked on the door of his house. It was already cold and raining, and it was like 4 am no one was awake. Reggie couldn’t sleep anyway, his parents had a long shouting match earlier and his sleep was interrupted. Everyone knew Reggie's house was off-limits so he was in for a big shock when, instead of a mailman like he expected, he found Luke.

Luke had stood awkwardly outside, his eyes wet and everything else too even though it was raining, trying to rub the tears away from his face, with his wet sleeve. He didn’t succeed.

When Reggie had opened the door. Luke quickly turned to him and mumbled something about “raindrops”, but Reggie could tell they were tears, not stray raindrops. He could tell a lot of things about Luke.

“Luke what are you doing here,” he asked softly, “it so late”

“I know you don’t want anyone here and I’m so sorry, for not calling or not waiting till the morning but I need you now” Luke needed him, _ **no one ever needed him**_. His voice was shaken and tired.

“It's okay, come in,” Reggie said, stepping aside so Luke could come in.

“Nice place” Luke had said, looking around Reggie knew he meant to be polite but he also knew it definitely wasn’t. The house was long since barren, his parents refused to have any pictures of themselves as a family _as if they never were one_. They refused to agree on everything, even the wall colors so every wall was white, every room of the house only had what it needed. It would look like one of those display furniture rooms but even these had a touch of personality.

“No it’s not,” Reggie said, Luke had just nodded awkwardly and Reggie wanted to slap himself right there.. _great job Richard, you always have to make things awkward_ . “ do you want anything to drink,” he asked trying to ease the tension he had created “or would you prefer to launch into why you were a slobbering mess on my doorstep”

“I think I'll take the drink first,” Luke laughed a bit.

Reggie felt content that he could make at least someone laugh, without making a fool of himself. He never could make his parents happy. Luke hadn’t told him what he wanted, not like it mattered because Reggie already knew what he did or at least what would make him feel better. Luke had mentioned once when they were still little kids that hot chocolate never failed to make him smile. His reasoning was _“it reminds me of Christmas”_. Which nine year old didn’t love Christmas? Reggie scanned around the kitchen for the hot chocolate mix, when he could find none, he decided to make it from the chocolate syrup in the fridge. He had heated up the milk and poured some syrup into the cup and stirred. He had just grabbed some water for himself.

Reggie handed Luke the glass, “thanks” Luke said, grabbing the glass. He took a sip “Hot chocolate?” Luke had asked.

“It's not like hot, hot chocolate it just chocolate syrup and hot milk” Reggie explained

“It doesn’t matter how it made it hot chocolate and delicious,” Luke said smiling “I haven’t had hot chocolate in forever” Reggie nodded, he knew if he had given in to the small talk bait, that he and Luke would talk forever and still not touch on what might have happened.

Luke knew it too and he sighed when Reggie didn’t say anything. A few seconds had passed but for both, it seemed to be forever, till Reggie spoke, “So care to explain why you’re here, did you and your mom have another fight or something”

Luke shook his head, and his smile slowly dropped. ”No, no me and Alex broke up” He choked out, and Reggie wanted to reach for him right there and now

“You and Alex are dating ?” Reggie had wanted to ask why he didn’t know, Luke told him everything. _How lucky Alex was and he didn’t even know it_ , he shook that bitter thought out of his head, Alex was a great friend to him and neither of them were lucky in the slightest.

“Were…” Reggie wasn’t spared the details, and to be honest he wasn’t completely listening much even if it was Luke. He hated it when people kept things from him and it hurt more because it was Luke who kept this from him. What else has he kept from him? But it all made sense, the way Luke and Alex would sometimes have alone practice at around the same time, the way Luke looked at Alex and vice versa, neither of them pursuing dates anymore. How did he not notice before?

“He had called me selfish” Luke winced, and Reggie was pulled out of his thoughts he knew how much Luke heard and hated that word.

“That’s not true” _everyone was a little selfish, Reggie had his moments too_

“It kinda is, I mean I didn’t even tell you I was coming, I shouldn't have come here in the first place and I hadn’t asked how you were at all” Luke sighed, running his hands through his hair.

“Luke remember that time, where there was Star Wars Night at the movie theater and they were playing all the films back to back, and how we were both excited to go, but then my parents had a tough week and weren’t able to pay for it” “Yeah-“ Luke nodded, not sure what Reggie's point was. “I was so upset but you had taken your own allowance and paid for me to go, that was ages ago, and anytime till this day I tried to pay you back you won’t let me, that how I know you’re far from selfish, even if you were that okay everyone a little selfish…” Reggie continued “ you’re such a great friend” **I wish you were more**

“I’m such a great friend aren’t I” Luke smiled

“ Yeah you are, hate to admit it because your ego could use a little work,” Reggie said sarcastically, getting up off the couch.

“Why it’s part of what makes me a great catch,” Luke said while handing Reggie his cup.“Seriously though thank you”

“Anytime, do you wanna stay the night it's still pouring outside?” Reggie asked as he put the cups away. Seeing Luke hesitance he spoke again “I still have the bunk bed if you don’t wanna take the couch”

“Yeah I would love too and I take the bed bunk” there was Luke smile again, Reggie wished he could make Luke smile every second of the day.

.........

"I don't know, man. Sometimes, a little fire can make things better on stage. Like you and Julie." Reggie teased, it was beginning to hurt less, he was trying to lose feelings as best as he could and he partly succeeded, and came to the terms that Luke would be with Julie and that was okay, he could live with that.

"Uh, wha-... what is that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, everyone can see the way that you look at her when you sing. You guys ooze chemistry." Reggie continued,

"You should never say 'ooze' again, but yeah, I agree."Alex chimed in, Reggie _sometimes wondered if Alex was happy just that Luke had a crush at all or was he just happy Luke found someone else._

"OK, no. I have chemistry with everybody that I sing with." Luke insisted, both Reggie and Alex looked at him in disbelief.

"Seriously, watch. Uh…” Luke started walking towards Reggie and if Reggie wasn’t already dead he would have been right there and then. Luke wrapped his hand around Reggie's neck. They have been close but never this close, never like this...Reggie was too stunned to move for a second “I believe I believe that we're just one dream, away from who we're meant to be. That we're standing on the edge of...great."

"Wow. I see chemistry" Alex said breaking up the moment as Reggie realized quickly where he was and that he wasn’t dreaming.

"That was pretty hot," Reggie said, his voice cracking, _**shit did he say that out loud?**_ Luke smiled at him..walking back up to him. Luke put his finger on his lips and then put that finger on Reggie's lips. "Girls. Am I right?" Reggie coughed, the heat was rising to his cheeks all it took was one moment that probably lasted seconds but lasted a century for him. His heart or whatever he had in replace of that, that made him feel like if he even moved an inch he fell to the ground. Everything was so fast yet so slow, the moment replayed in his head and he feared it would never leave.

"Yeah," Luke said sarcastically, picking up his guitar and seeming to just forget about what happened as if it was nothing as if he didn’t return all those feelings back that Reggie had buried for months back up to the surface.

"No” Alex then continued to drum, but through all of practice, while Reggie was playing, his focus wasn’t on the music. It was on Luke whose focus was on Alex. Reggie just had one thought, while he watched Luke fall and focus on Julie and Alex every day,

_**“Why am I not good enough to fall for?”**_

**Author's Note:**

> i have 3 one-shot ideas already spanning off this one, im currently writing the stars wars event, the sleepover i didn't dive into, and for any who are interested in LukexAlex backstory I have their breakup planned as a one-shot. you can find my twitter under the same name just with a uppercase i instead of an L.


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